Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 13 for 7-29-05:
President Bailey
What would you do if you were the president?
Think about it. REALLY think about it.
You have at your feet the strongest military on the face of the planet. You're the commander-in-chief of that military.
You have executive powers. You can promote laws aggressively, and if your party is in power, you might just be able to get it done.
I tell you what I would do. I would immediately create and promote a society dedicated to culling the inefficiencies from our war machine. Not undermining the military, mind you, but rather, stopping those all night bombing training runs that I hear from miles away on Ft. Lewis and McChord, where every little muffled THUMP is a thousand pound bomb, and instead make them drop flour.
I'd dismantle most inessential tank, plane, and ground warfare plans. The odds of us fighting a land war again are astronomical, especially given that with one plane we could annihilate an entire front.
With that money, I'd immediately GUT the entire welfare state. Not gut as in undermine, mind you, but gut as in, right now, we have an endless system of paperwork, lines, and hoops to jump through.
Here's the deal. If you haven't got enough to survive, we pay you enough to survive. If you make more than a hundred thousand dollars a year, we tax you ten percent, no breaks. If you make more than ten million dollars a year, we tax you twenty percent. No breaks. Is it unfair? I don't give a fuck. When one man can afford a yacht while another struggles to feed his kids, I have little pity for his extra ten percent. People say that is philosophically unfeasible? Again, I don't give a shit. The rich MUST share with the poor. They will not willingly, they ought to be forced. Class warfare my ass. Warfare implies that both combatants suffer. A man who has 10 million dollars who suddenly has 8 is not suffering. Don't give me that shit. And two million dollars under MY fucking administration has NO END to the uses I will create. Two million dollars will make 40 shelters for the homeless, 40 homes for needy families.
If we don't make people work for what they have, they will just take it. True. That's why all recipients of welfare in my administration will work for as long as they receive aid. If they stop, they're out. And I don't mean bussing them to the dude who has 8 million dollars to wipe up his shit. I mean they will become educated, contributing members to our society. Libraries, industry, parks, theater. Think the New Deal, modernized.
And one thing is for GOD DAMNED sure, there would be a clear and definite line placed between church and state, and every person from coast to coast would have the freedom to say and do whatever they wanted.
After that, I'd move to give the rest of the world that lacks it running water, then food aid. Our military would descend upon nations all across the Earth…with care packages.
We have a reputation of being evil across the world. Some believe it's for what we have. I believe it's for what we don't share.
And you know what? Even if I'm totally full of shit and my idealism would doom any administration I have, doesn't it reassure you that at very least I would work night and day on my ideals and dreams for this world?
I mean, no matter what I did, at least I would not go to my ranch and take a vacation FIFTY TIMES IN FIVE YEARS, as our current president has.
Citation
And I wouldn't worry about my place in history, as all presidents have. I'd worry about now. And then, I honestly believe, history would regard me.
But here's the facts. I'm poor. I want change. I'm smart. And I'm abrasive to people with money. I'm also against naked aggression. And I bust my ass, I don't take vacations.
Who the fuck am I kidding? I will never be the president.
ANCILLARY
This is a personal nitpick, but GODDAMMIT, there's enough censorship in the world. There really is. So I'm sick of people censoring themselves on the internet. People want you to post spoiler warnings? FUCK YOU. You went to a site on the INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY and you're mad when you come out with information in your brain? Go to hell.
The newest, and this drives me nuts, is people threatening to ban me and what I say if what I post on their websites isn't "WORK FRIENDLY". This, folks, is a key example of "It's NOT MY FAULT!". You go to work. You look up a raunchy site. Your boss sees, you get in trouble. It's the fault of the poster, right?
FUCK NO!
But that's not stopping every damned site in sight from telling you that if you post something that isn't work friendly, you will be banned.
WHAT THE FUCK? Censoring pricks!
Fine. New rule on my site. If it IS work friendly, I won't post it here. If your boss can't stand the freedom of expression, you can tell him I cordially invite him to stick a dildo in his ass and ergo fuck himself.