Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 16 for 8-1-05:
The Clean Dozen
It staggers me, the overwhelmingly stupid and pathetic things that we as a society care about. The world and the nation, we all pay attention to the stupidest shit. I think a lot of it is based in the hyper-feminism of the media, a lot of it is based in the way that the United States thrives on fear and enemies. But it's crap. Universally. That's why I have a section in my news folder for stuff I like to call Patent Bullshit. Stuff that doesn't belong in the news, stuff that someone shouldn't get paid to write while I bust my ass trying to make the world a better place for nothing.
First, we have a study and a group concerned with the fact that because food is being left on the ground by people, PIDGEONS are having an obesity problem. Yeah. They're mad that pidgeons are getting fat in a world where some people can't eat. Where men are dying in strange lands, and children starve and are raped, murdered, eaten.
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Jane Fonda, an actress, is protesting a war on a big, happy, peaceful bus. Really? I've been protesting the war in text and with all of my heart for three years. I don't even get a gallon of gas, much less notoriety in print. Fuck you, Jane Fonda. Though you were hot in Barbarella.
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Jennifer Anniston's love letters are being auctioned. Top news for the entertainment section. Because, you know, in our society, nothing's more important than a pretty woman's take on love, a woman who was so successful in love that her marriage didn't last five years, a woman who is so vapid that she played the same one-note paper thin character for the better part of the decade. Yeah, that's more important than Eraserhead.
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Paula Abdul fucked a contestant from American Idol. OOOOH! Stop the presses, call the National Guard, there must be an INQUIRY! SAVE US!
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I shit you not, they devoted an entire story to the fact that Natalee Halloway's mother WENT HOME, when there are little black girls who go missing who don't even make the papers. Bullshit. Fuck it.
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Lauren Bacall thinks Tom Cruise is a dick. Wow. And Drudge thought that so important that he reported it. Why? Because Drudge is me, if I were a partisan dick.
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Speaking of Drudge, he took an off the record quote from Helen Thomas and pasted it across the internet, because she suggested that if Dick Cheney ran for president she'd kill herself in jest. Now she's pissed, and this whole nonsensical pile of crap apparently means more than reporting on Iraq.
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People are reporting on how Bobby Brown proposed to Whitney Houston, and how it was marred by the need to have a bowel movement. In other news, Charles Bukowski hasn't received even a media mention I've seen since 1994 outside of Sean Penn films and the Dawn comic.
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Scott Peterson, convicted murderer, posts a thank you to his supporters. Instead of ignoring him because he's an ass, we give him media coverage. The message? Kill people, and the media will give you fame.
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A nation of fools, who read news to be entertained, not to learn. We deserve what we get.
ANCILLARY
If I ever get anywhere in life, I want to be like Jimmy Carter. He just goes around and tells people how it is, because he's got nothing to lose, and everything to gain. He's called Guantanamo for what it is, an unjust, hypocritical mockery of our judicial system and the beliefs of autonomy that we hold dear. It's also something for the terrorists to point to as a reason to blow our asses up.
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In further news, just in case you don't think Guantanamo is a future blemish on our history in progress, note that two more people have been cleared of wrongdoing and have still been in detention for almost four years now. That brings the total to a dozen.
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But who cares, huh? We're killing sand niggers, that's all that matters, right? God Bless America.