Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 23 for 8-10-05:
Never Gonna Meet This Guy
Would you like to meet the president?
It's a question that occurs to me often, something I ponder. It's about as likely to happen as me converting to Christianity on a lark, but stranger things have happened. Ice Cube has met the president, as I recall. As has Will Farrell. If those jackasses have a chance, I'm one fluke of popularity away from sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom.
So imagine you've made it. You've become massively popular and everyone wants to have your baby. You get invited to meet the president. Do you go?
The lead singer of Coldplay was given the opportunity to meet Prime Minister Blair, and he told him to go fuck himself. Turned down the invite.
Citation
His reason was pretty stupid, if you ask me. He said he liked the Prime Minister, but didn't want to be seen photographed with him. Yeah, well, it would probably damage my credibility to have my picture taken with Bush, but I think I'd still do it.
So do I want to see the president?
When I think about it, I always wonder if I would just be quietly respectful or screaming or if I would quietly, and with philosophy, attempt to plead my cases against the things that he does.
I think I would probably politely plead my case until I was escorted out, and I do believe I would accept the invitation. There's something to be said for snubbing someone you really don't like, but it smacks of ignorance and forgoes any kind of progress or equitable compromise. Kind of like the music of Coldplay, for instance.
Ah, who am I kidding?
But here's the real point. Will I talk to the president? Won't I? It's irrelevant, because men like George Bush don't deign to talk to men like me unless it benefits them politically, so I will never speak to Bush. This is tragic, because I think the first thing that I would do as a president is arrange a meeting with a few hundred Americans for six hours every week, just to see how I was doing. Bush instead takes a vacation, but what the hell, huh? He's still relaxing. I'm still coming up with ways to do the job he isn't doing better. Another reason I could never be president. I care to make change.
But one thing I would definitely do is provoke him to cursing. I really want to hear the president cursing. It's show me he was human, even if he is a Republican robot.
ANCILLARY
New game.
I was watching Late Night with David Letterman because he had Bill Maher on. I like Bill Maher because he has the balls to say things that get him fired and live with it. He's a crusader against censorship, he stands up for men's rights, and he's sometimes flawed, but always honest. Kind of like the person I want to be.
He has a new book out, a kitchy little coffee table affair about New Rules for America. When he was talking about it on Letterman, he suggested a new reality show...America's Dumbest States or America's Smartest State. I forget, and I forgot to not erase it, but the principle was what I'm going for. The idea is that every state does something stupid. So each week, we'd vote which state had been the dumbest each week, and then the final state would be America's Smartest State.
I don't want to directly filch his idea, but I'm going to. Check the main page CTF for the new feature: SURVIVOR: America.