Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 25 for 8-12-05:
Jimmy Carter Likes Peace?
The news is oblivious, and the news is obvious. It's time once again to show how the news wastes perfectly good time and money exploiting and reporting on things that any idiot already knows:
My caveat: News must be relevant and original to be worthwhile. These are not.
This may come as a surprise to those of you without a pulse or common sense, but John Roberts, Bush's new nominee for the Supreme Court, is a conservative. If you didn't know that, CNN is proud to inform you that "Roberts Documents Reveal A Conservative". That's not fucking news.
Citation
And of course, after that article, Roberts insists that he's not a conservative. A politician denying his real beliefs so he can be popular? No shit? That's never happened before.
Citation
Here's a real surprise to everyone. LOTS OF KIDS ARE USING THE INTERNET. Really? And I wondered how my fart jokes garnered me a large audience while my intellectual work fails. Now I know. Hmm. This is like a survey for old people "Are things worse than they use to be?"...what do you think the answer is?
If only in lols and fucking "wads" for "what's" and "ur" for your (or you're, as they spell it when they're not abbreviating), the internet is definitely where the kids at. NO FUCKING SHIT.
Citation
Here's a two-parter. Two stories I ran into that just made me shake my head and say, "No shit?". Number one? Iraq wants our troops out.
Citation
Number two, George Bush doesn't want our troops out.
Citation
Seriously? You mean, the sovereign nation we invaded wants us to leave? And the man who invaded that sovereign nation doesn't want to leave?
This is like an article in 1990 saying, "Saddam will not leave Kuwait.", and a companion saying, "Kuwaiti people want Saddam out."
Except, you know, that's kind of blasphemous because it's comparing the US and its actions to those of Saddam Hussein. Or is it?
Here's another no shit story. Jimmy Carter, the only decent ex-president, thinks the Iraq War is unjust. The only president to ever serve only one term for being passive and kind to the point of failure? Really? He also stands up for Venezuela, strives for peace and feeding the hungry…no wonder he isn't listened to. But it's obvious what his position would be. No shit. One might question whether Fox is reporting it to try and smear him or not. If Fox News ever engaged in that kind of thing at all. Actually, I think it would be a story if Fox News DIDN'T fuck with the truth.
Citation
Here's a really smart one. It appears that abroad, Americans are under risk for being hated by other countries. No shit? Seriously? I thought France loved us after we endlessly poked fun at them. Strange. Or as they say in France, Strang.
Citation
President Bush abuses his power to slip Bolton in against the will of the senate. This article indicates that the democrats are pissed off about it. Really? No shit? Huh.
Citation
You'll notice a lot of Fox News in the no shit category. That's because they enjoy exploiting the obvious to reinforce prejudices and worries that they share. Like stating that an Al Qaeda leader wants to make more attacks on America. No shit? Really? A group dedicated to killing Americans and destroying America wants us dead? One might question whether Fox is reporting to try and get us to hate terrorists so much we suspend our better judgement. If Fox News ever engaged in that kind of thing at all...sigh.
Citation
Get this. Apparently, September 11th is an anniversary date where terrorism is likely to happen again. No shit, Drudge? Really?
Citation