Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 54 for 9-17-05
Fetuses on Mack Trucks: Christianty? PS: I Am Goth
Apparently, I'm a goth.
How am I a goth? Well, thanks to James Carlyle, reader, friend, and correspondent...I have been given an article from a "religious" organization that describes how one can recognize and stop the "goth" in your kid. It's a list, and if you have any five of the following, you are GOTH. Be afraid:
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
(The preceding is an excerpt from the below citation, I do not claim it for any intentions of profit and/or gain. It is merely an excerpt.)
Now, anyone who knows me will tell you...I'm not really the goth type. I can't stand the fucking emo thing going around, I've never liked soft, wussy shit. I like hard-core punk rock music, honest, brutal truth movies...and sometimes Elton John and Billy Joel, but only because I'm a child of the 80s. At any rate, point being? Me, dressing up in geeky makeup and pretending that life is all about death? No. Me whining about never getting paid to write or being read? Yep.
So of the list, here is what I am guilty of:
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
I think I left out the one about being a homo, the one about claiming to be a goth, and the one about being a drug user. But know, ye, I am the lord goth of hosts! There be no one more goth than me, by these definitions!
I LOVE, I absolutely LOVE that philosophy is a dangerous cult religion. Unlike, of course, whoever the hell thought THIS bullshit up.
This was sent to me by a Christian who is afraid of religious persecution, and with the below article, I can see why. Enough of this nutty shit goes around, people are going to start wondering what the hell is with religion.
BUT, don't worry, James. Religion will NEVER be persecuted in this country in our lifetimes. I'll guarantee you that. And if I'm wrong, when I'm a beneficent atheist leash master, I'll guarantee all Christians can practice their beliefs. FOR A TOLL! ;) Nah, just kidding. You never see an atheist make a list of shit saying, "If you're like this, you're a crazy Christian, and must be stopped by your parents".
And you never will, because atheists don't want to stop Christianity. They just want to promote the dangerous religious cult of questioning shit.
They'll just laugh at this shit. We know there are a ton of good Christians out there, just like there are a ton of great Muslims. What sucks is when one or two of these dipshit crazies get their hands on a plane or a government.
Like ours. Like Afghanistan's.
Note that in order to tell you how to avoid your child becoming a goth, they show two goth chicks in a bra near making out instead of, say, a fat goth dude on a playground playing the Vampire LARP, which I think would be more scary.
Citation
In related nutty Christian news, you may have read my ramble back in Controversy, I think it was, about how pro-choice or pro-life (or whatever bullshit euphemism you use for prettying up being for or against abortion), billboards are not going to change minds, and the money spent on making someone see a bloody dead fetus is not suddenly going to make someone going to an abortion clinic say, "Hey, wait a sec. You mean I'm killing a baby?" then run off screaming. We know that, dipshits.
So imagine my surprise when I see a fleet of semi trucks with bloody fetuses on the side of them traveling the roads to inform us of the danger of hell inherent in abortion:
Citation
Personally, I have NO problem with graphic bloody images on a truck. Are they tasteless? Yes. Should kids see them? I don't care. It's freedom of speech.
BUT, and here's the BUT. What bothers me is that these people, the overbearing Christians, are the ones who are the first to stand up and say, "THAT'S VULGAR" and try and get something removed from a TV. So they do something disgusting, and not one of their number stands up to say, "THAT'S VULGAR" because it serves their purposes. But you can bet your ass that if I went around in a truck that had a graphic depiction of sodomy on the side, even to stand against the practice, they'd want it shut down.
Because they're fucking hypocrites, that's all. Always have been, always will be. Fanatics espouse what they are through what they want to be.
And that, too, is a CHOICE.