Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 58 for 9-24-05
Dead Bodies For Porn
Every now and again, you run across a story that just makes you say, "No shit, Sherlock?".
This is a collection of the last number of these articles I ran into.
As is typical, news articles online disappear sometimes after you put them up. I HATE that. At very least we can go to the library and read through old papers, they don't just disappear. But anyway, THIS used to be a link that stated that after Saddam's trial, he will likely be given the death penalty.
REALLY.
You're kidding. I thought there was a chance he could get off with life in prison!
Citation
In a related story...bear with me...get this...Kuwait wants Saddam to get the death penalty.
Citation
Here's another gem of investigative reporting. Cell phone tones are annoying.
Wow.
Citation
In late, breaking news, we find that the POPE thinks it's a good thing to have religious symbols in public buildings. So long as they're Catholic. That is, just, like, WOW.
Citation
Here's a wowser. Forty percent of Mexicans want to live in the US, and one in five would illegally immigrate to do so.
Really? Next thing you know, they'll be telling me that Canada is north.
Citation
Here's a biggie. The link's broken, but this WAS a story on how Russia wouldn't want Iran invaded.
Really? Russia, which we destroyed in the Cold War, doesn't want more American bases near them and one less ally?
Who'd have thunk?
Citation
Another real late breaking edition: The victims of Hurricane Katrina were poorer than most, and largely black.
I mean, I never would have guessed.
Citation
Bill Clinton, the first to espouse such a belief, has purported that maybe the government failed in its duty with Katrina.
Citation
Howard Dean makes another astute observation: Race played a role in the deaths of Katrina. What the role is, he's too cowardly to take a big stand on, but then, he's said race was a part of the deaths, so he gets a headline. I say it, I get obscurity, but then, any time a reporter can phone it in, huh?
Citation
SUPERMODELS USE COCAINE? Holy Jesus! I thought they were so down-to-Earth!
Citation
Get this:
Apparently, oil is finite, and we're running out.
This is news to some, it's no shit to those of us who've been trying to yell at these SUV folks for a decade.
Citation
And finally, a study has proven that men are smarter than women.
I don't need a study for that. Just ask the next woman you meet who the chairman of the Federal Reserve is. 9 in 10 can't answer it.
Or try the Secretary of State. Or Defense. Or the paternal leader figure of any major industrialized nation outside of the US.
Or, better yet, who the vice president is. That's usually the first question I ask, and most women get it, but about 2 in ten don't.
Ask them who John Edwards is.
Ask them to explain supply and demand economics.
Ask them who won the civil war.
Report to me your results.
Citation
ANCILLARY
I have been away for three days, and for that I apologize. I was taking a much needed vacation, and I may be absent in any of the following five days. If so, please understand that I am gearing up for the start of my work year, which involves Smallville and certain reviews and a metric shit-ton of mail and work and house construction and a new novel, none of which will be easy. I may, in fact, collapse along the way.
I am not giving up, I'm not stopping the column, I'm just gearing up for a year of ass kicking.
Starting with the Smallville season, I will not do a CTF two days of the week, Thursday and Friday, for the reason of the review. That'll be my article for that day...
But this column will remain. And with the beginning of mid-term elections, the growing unrest with Iraq and the attacks on the administration's deficiencies finally commencing, it may just be the blast we've been waiting for.
In the meanwhile, enjoy a nice, heartwarming story, the kind that reminds me of why I do this column.
American GIs, in order to be given free access to a porn site, are giving them footage of blown apart Iraqis to post.
This is, honestly, a fringe group of the worst of the soldiers, who I whole-heartedly support despite their bastard leader idiot son of an asshole, but this is, to my mind, worse than torturing Iraqi prisoners. This is death for porn. We have a task force arranged to attack consenting adult porn (more on that this week), but no one has said a damned thing about troopers trading dead enemy pictures for smutty pictures.
God Bless America.
Citation