Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 69 for 10-7-05:
Give 'Em A Medal, Georgie!
In Florida, they're preparing people for a crazy new law that says you can shoot someone you think is threatening you, as opposed to anyone who is actually threatening your life in a provable way.
Personally, I think if anyone threats even physical force you should be able to shoot the shit out of them. I also believe that that's already covered under our current self-defense statutes, and falls under common sense.
Where this law critically fails is its potential for abuse. Someone pisses you off? Just say that they were threatening your life and kill them.
If someone starts to attack you in your vehicle, it used to be you had to run away and then kill them only if they follow. Changing the law to simply say if anyone attacks you can kill them without adding in this "If you feel threatened" clause would have spared controversy. But expect nothing of brilliance from a state governed by Jeb Bush.
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Google tried to scan books. They're being sued. Yahoo, taking advantage, is now doing the same thing. When they're sued, they're going to act surprised. I won't.
We still need scanned books, for the sake of archive, if nothing else.
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Three thousand employees have been laid off in New Orleans because of the hurricane. Why? Because the city is out of money. How much would it cost to keep these workers, assuming they all make 100,000 a year (which they don't)?
Six percent of either our military budget, or six percent of all the money we've wasted in Iraq. Or three percent of both.
OR, even better than that, one rolled back tax cut of the three that have mostly benefited the wealthy. And white.
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DeLay is calling the indictments against him a travesty against justice and without merit. No shit? I thought he'd embrace them. But if there's one thing a politician is good about, it's pointing fingers, and if there's anything they're bad at, it's avoiding the press when the finger is pointed at them. Burn, DeLay.
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The prosecutor's response: Eat shit. I have proof.
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Scary shit, to hear Bush talking about how he'd handle the Avian flu. Cordoning off the infected area with the military and not allowing the infected out is a good solution. I know a better one.
Stopping all international air travel in the event of a pandemic.
You know why they won't do that?
It costs more to the economy than cleaning up dead bodies. Sick, isn't it?
But I see a nightmare potentiality of a few cases of the flu leading to an imposed and legal martial law that allows Bush to suspend government and take over "until the emergency is over". That's how Hitler did it. And Bush doesn't hate the Jews, but I'm sure as shit he'd be happy if there were no more Muslims in the world. Except, of course, his Saudi buddies.
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A teacher pulls out an insulin pump on accident, thinking it to be a cell phone. The teacher is then fired. Of course, nothing is said about how abominable it is that cell phones in school are so common that a teacher would mistake any beeping for one, and nothing is said of the fact that it was an accident, but then, remember, the little snot-nosed fucks are always protected when their widdle feelings are hurt, while the teacher is now blackballed, blacklisted, and potentially getting sued for an honest mistake.
And you wonder why I didn't want to be a teacher? Exhibit Y.
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Here's an example of the good side of bad writing. I read this headline, Principal Chases Streaker in Gorilla Mask. I thought I was about to read the most awesome story ever, about a teacher seeing a student streaker, saying he's had enough, throwing on his gorilla mask and chasing the fucker. Instead, because of bad wording, we don't realize that the principal acted normally until we read the article.
Ambiguity in headlines...look for it!
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Two cops are called in because a six year-old hit another six-year-old over a pacifier. They actually file a report. Shame on the parents who called, shame on the cops who fostered their bullshit waste of law enforcement time. Another example of pampering idiots.
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A woman is stupid enough to believe a doctor when he says, "If I have sex with you, it will help your back." She has sex with him, her back still hurts, and so she sues him. He should sue her for being stupid enough to make someone's back hurt.
Of course it's the guy's fault for wanting sex, and not the woman's fault for allowing it, right? Or perish the thought, consenting adults. Sexism.
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They paid money to do a study that found that clowns make children happy but annoy adults.
THEY CAN'T PAY WORKING CLASS PEOPLE IN NEW ORLEANS, BUT THEY CAN PAY FOR THIS BULLSHIT? Fucking world.
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Porter Goss, the director of the CIA, has decided to have NO review of any of the major officials who were in charge when 9/11 occurred.
We instead give them the Medal of Freedom, these people charged with protecting us who failed.
And they wonder why we are losing faith in our government?
Ah, fuck it. Give 'em a medal, Georgie! Way to fail, you! We're all positive and happy here! No failures! We'll stay the course. Heh heh heh.
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Am I the only one who thinks resurrecting the 1918 pandemic flu to study it is a fucking retarded idea? Guess so.
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Karl Rove, the man behind the Plame leak, is going to have to testify again.
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He is on the record as having told Bush he was NOT behind the leak. He has been subsequently fingered.
Begin the funeral dirge for yet ANOTHER Republican heading for the gallows.
Sensing a pattern here? Give me a major democrat indicted for abusing his power in the last few years.
IT'S A DEMOCRATIC CONSPIRACY!
Yeah. Sure. A democratic conspiracy in the middle of the most oligarchic reign in American history. Yeah. Right.
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A guy rips off Harry Potter in a copycat book and makes a shitload of money, goes to a school filled with 12-year-olds and says that tv is garbage compared to books, and tells all the kids that Harry Potter is gay before being kicked out.
I'll tell you what, I don't think Harry Potter is gay, but I like the cut of this mother-fucker's jib.
Coming soon: Gayrry Potter, by Neal Bailey. Subtitle: Fuck kids.
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Again I find myself agreeing with Bush. Crazy!
Yeah, most Americans are pretty pissed off right now and want us to pull out or start pulling troops out. 30 percent want a full pull-out, and another 30 percent want us to reduce forces.
You stupid, arrogant republican assholes let this stupid bastard take us to war, now we must deal with the consequence and stay the course. No get-backs. This war has begun, and now we must stay with it to the end. We can't abandon these poor bastards.
It's not right, what we did. To do it to them again by abandoning them would be doubly worse.
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Apparently, I'm wrong again. There's a long history of judges who have no had any experience. So hey, what the hell. I have no problem with Miers, other than she's scary looking. I hate the rampant crony-ism, but we elected Bush, it's his right. I don't like it, but it is.
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I love this one. Right after Bush put Roberts on the Supreme Court, he made a bold stand to give the Federal government more power in deciding the right to die issue than the states. Funny! See, because, you know, once, in the past, Republicans were supposed to stand for state's rights...before they got the power of the Federal government, that is.
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A woman was kicked off a plane for having an "offensive" tee shirt. Meaning, it had the administration on it and a curse word.
This would be perfectly okay in most businesses. I support the right of a business to serve who they want, even on the lines of sex or race. It's shitty, and it will lose them business for being dicks, but to me, it's within rights.
However, the government subsidizes and aids the airline industry, ergo it should be bound by our constitutional practices, including anti-discrimination statutes and the freedom of speech so long as it doesn't cause injury. That's my take.
If someone wore a shirt that said, "I'm saved, are you?" I would find that assumptive and offensive, but I couldn't get THEM kicked off a plane I was on, that's for damned sure.
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People try and defend Wal-Mart, when every week we see a new story like this one, where Wal-Mart turned in a picture someone was having developed of a kid putting the thumbs-down sign next to President Bush. The Secret Service investigated him, threatened him with indictment, and talked to his teachers. Tell me how this is not an abridgement of the freedom of speech through coercion and threat…?
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This is humanity at its worst. A fire department, because a man didn't pay his fire department city fees, simply watched as the man's house burned to the ground. ABOMINABLE.
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I love this one, it's a good note to end on. The headline is hilarious: DRUG ALLEGATIONS PUT BOY GEORGE'S CAREER IN DOUBT.
No. Boy George's fucking career put his career in doubt. You seen the Karma Chameleon telephone? He could slit his wrists on Larry King right now and never sell another album. He's a fruit, and a melodramatic fruit. At least he can afford drugs, what's he bitching about?
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