Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
number 72 for 10-16-05:
Oh, NOW You're Gonna Address the Torture?
Eight agents, a supervisor, and assorted staff are now THE PORN SQUAD, a group of people expressly paid by the United States in the state department's HIGHEST PRIORITY, going after consensual adult porn and its creators.
The war on terror? Ah, fuck it.
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YOU ARE BEING LIED TO.
We are fabricating documents to support the war effort, and getting caught.
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Saddam Hussein's spider-hole was just propaganda, we're now finding out.
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How many of you saw these stories on the front page.
None of you?
Well, no shit. They didn't even make the ancillary news. I really had to dig for them. Because it doesn't fit with the plan.
The senate finally got their fucking heads out of their ass and passed a regulation with the new defense spending bill requiring standards for treatment, detention, interrogation and general rights for prisoners held by the US military.
You'd think I'd be rejoicing.
I would, if it weren't for two things.
One, you think this act of congress is going to stop these bit chomping semi-nazi bastards from continuing to torture by exporting them to Syria? You think this will negate the war powers granted by the PATRIOT Act? You have another thing coming, chump. And
Two, it's about FOUR FUCKING YEARS TOO LATE, ASSHOLES.
We're already besmirched in the eyes of the world. And that trust doesn't grow back in a decade, friend. It takes half a century.
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The senate okayed another fifty billion dollars for the war efforts in Iraq and Afghanistan, raising the total tab above 350 billion dollars. That's enough to recover from both hurricanes twice, or, to put it in perspective, a GOOD living wage (Which I consider to be fifty thousand dollars) for seven million people. Or one in four of us.
Let me ask you an easy question. Assuming that NOT invading Iraq would cause terrorism. Assume that it would cost us the price of 9-11 every quarter.
Twelve thousand people dying every year.
Seven million lifted from poverty.
And both you and I know that if we poured half of that cash into securing the United States, terrorism would NOT be worthwhile here. Instead, we give them a place to attack, conveniently, and now we've lost 2,000 good men.
Think that shit over. Four more years worth it?
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A man has been ordered to pay child support. He was a sperm donor.
Bullshit.
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Let's see. What's the best way to deal with someone whose message you don't like? Ignore it, or give them the attention they want.
People gathered and started a riot over the KKK march in Toledo, causing a curfew, a police war, and giving the KKK exactly what they wanted.
Way to go, dumbasses.
Me? I just fucking ignore the KKK. They're retarded. Why bother? It disembowels their retarded messages and shows them to be shouting in an empty room. Guess it makes more sense for some people to make a big show of hating the KKK. Wow, what a risk, dumbasses. Everyone hates the fucking KKK. It's not like if they hold a rally, everyone's gonna go, "Holy shit, there really IS something to the white supremacy that caused the holocaust!"
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In other obvious news, we should have went to Korea, not Iraq, for yet another reason. While his people starved, Kim was ordering WATCHES to the tune of 24 million dollars.
THIS man is the new Hitler, not Saddam.
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ENDLESS HORROR WITH CHILDREN (FOR GOD)
God, we wish to thank you for the following examples of children being hurt in ways that seemingly make no sense this week. I'm sure it's part of your plan, I'm just at a loss to understand how.
Consider the man who ran his backhoe over a nineteen month old baby.
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Or the boy who went out to catch a bug, and died in a hail of gunfire, at 8.
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Or the baby a woman tried to cut out of another woman's body to steal.
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Or the two girls who were found lockedi n the house of a trusted local man, repeatedly molested.
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Or the man who put an electronic dog collar on his daughter and shocked her because she ate too slowly.
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How about the 8-year-old girl a tree fell on and killed at scout camp, or her friends who were also injured?
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What about the fifteen-year-old murderer whose parents couldn't be troubled to raise her well?
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How about the fifteen-year-old girl raped five times by her own father?
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How about the four-year-old boy near starved to death because of negligent parents?
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How about six kids killed when a helicopter dropped a concrete block on their cable car?
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How about the 18-month-old who started the car and killed his four-year-old sister? Who was watching him, God?
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How about the teenager who beat an 86-year-old mother? Where are his morals, God?
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How about the pair of people who enslaved and abused the mentally ill for over twenty years?
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How about the parents who forgot their five-year-old at the park?
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Or even the most nefarious of all. The mother who is so sure that God wants her to keep having children in an overpopulated world that she has SIXTEEN children and plans on more.
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And God, please, explain to me why instead of society scorning these selfish, foolish fucks, they get tv shows, free shit, and attention?
NO SHIT STORY OF THE WEEK
Turns out, people who read newspapers are OLD!
Really? I mean, the average age is 55? Approximately the age of the people who are too stupid generally to acknowledge and use the internet and find their news the easier, more coherent way?
You're kidding me.
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PATENT BULLSHIT (we shouldn't care, but we do)
Ricky Martin says that fame made him bored and embittered. They wrote an article about it.
Go fuck yourself, Ricky Martin, and go fuck yourself, whoever listened to his bullshit. People are dying in Kashmir, you fucks.
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Gillette has launched a five blade razor. How novel. How about one that shaves my ass without fucking my face up? I can get that with one well made blade.
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An ENTIRE article is devoted to the fact that a woman wrote a book that states that John Lennon once hit her.
Well stop the fucking presses. A long dead man hit someone once. Fuck. Kristen hit me once in a fit of rage. If she gets famous, should I cash in?
Fuck yes I will, but they'll still be morons for reporting on it.
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This shit speaks for itself. And yes, it IS serious.
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Scientists studied how much people washed their hands. Women washed their hands more than men.
A question. How does knowing how many people wash their hands change the fact that washing your hands avoids disease? It doesn't. So why not spend the money spent on studying our hand-washing habits on promoting hand washing? Or hell, a way to fight the microbes spread by the invariable dumbasses who don't wash their hands?
Or, you know, you could throw me five grand so I could publish my books. But hey, nah, that's not as important as knowing who washes their hands.
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SHOULDN'T BE FUNNY, BUT IS
The pope, a former member of the Nazi youth, gave a stirring oratory about Anti-Semitism being bad, and how it's not good to be hostile to foreigners. Like, you know, telling America we can't prosecute people involved in the boyfucking scandals because you have diplomatic immunity? Nah, that's totally different.
But shit, straight porn here, attack!
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Every time I ever feel pathetic again, I will revisit this link, featuring a fat, mustachioed man with a headline: "High School Football is All I Have."
Aw, poor guy.
Read a book, fuckhead!
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I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE!
Karl Rove told the president he didn't finger Plame. He is now under investigation and testifying for doing just that. Several sources have indicated that he is indeed part of those who revealed the name.
Will there be an indictment?
Well, I know they can impeach the president for lying. I learned that just a little while back. Wonder if the REAL son of a bitch crony behind a lot of smearing, rotten political games, and some of the worst ideas of the Bush administration can get in any kind of trouble for ENDANGERING A LIFE.
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CENSORSHIP
A man is being held for distribution of "OBSCENE" material, a new victim of the "porn squad."
Coincidentally, this is the same man that took dead Iraqi pictures in exchange for soldier access to porn. The military investigated it for one day, cancelled the investigation, and now HE'S under arrest for obscenity. What the fuck is obscenity? Someone answer me.
"In my 33 years of law enforcement experience, this is one of the most horrific examples of filthy, obscene materials we have ever seized." said the sheriff.
Hey, NEWS. It's your RESPONSIBILITY to tell us what's going on that we might EVALUATE the VALIDITY of what's at stake. Unless you tell us what the obscenity is, we can't properly ascertain. If he's got a five year old fucking a fifty year old man, that's illegal. I don't think it's obscene, just FUCKED UP and criminal. Obscenity is a paper that doesn't report the whole story so that they don't get complaints when they depict what's involved. That's cowardice.
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A porn store sells two tapes, one an orgy, the other on bondage. Because the "community" considers it obscene, a judge overrules their challenge on the basis of free speech.
Bondage? Fuck! Orgies! Fuck! You think THAT is obscene? Try skat. Try transsexuals. Try a midget with a donkey. Try a girl that's over 18 but chosen for the video because she looks 12. And even THOSE are protected speech.
I don't see the issue. It's not like these guys are FORCING people to buy and watch these, and studies continually show that porn doesn't lead to fucking moral decay.
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New York and Nebraska, pressuring Yahoo to cut down on sex between minors and adults (which is not caused by chat rooms, promise. It's caused by kids who are not properly supervised and adults who should be locked up who are not), pushed them into banning anyone under 18 from going into a chat room, and has banned any chat rooms with names that promote sex between children and adults, whatever the fuck that means.
That means if I hate kids, and I want to have a chat room that is called, "Hey, FUCK kids!", I'll be shut down. Brilliant. Instead, they'll just call it, "Too adult for you?" and the same shit will happen.
Oh, wait! I forgot! People under 18 can't get into chat rooms. Lord knows, it's impossible to fake an age on the internet!
And hey, just because some of my more formative human experiences occurred in chat rooms from the age of 14 to 18, that doesn't mean it shouldn't be denied for other kids! KEEP THEM SAFE! TAKE THEIR LIBERTIES!
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In zeal to stop "child porn", new laws that require affidavits (basically busywork to make porn harder to make) have been put into effect. Now they're trying to strengthen them, to the point where it might be required even for movies. Meaning, on the back of the next movie you see with a softcore sex scene, like was in The Matrix Reloaded, might have to have the name and location of whoever is responsible for holding the affadavit of age.
It also means that Nicole Kidman can be indicted for child porn if she ever makes another movie like Birth. Or, we could just NOT be dumbasses and arrest people who make child porn and let everyone else have their fucking legal fun that hurts nobody.
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The movie WILD THINGS has a sex scene between two girls and a guy. It is rated R, giving it a solid chance to make money. Kids can go see, with parents.
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The movie WHERE THE TRUTH LIES, featuring a sex scene between two guys and a girl, gets an NC-17, dooming it to much less money.
This is de facto censorship, and it is discriminatory in an unfair way to gays or bis.
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A kid asks a question the administrators deem "inappropriate" when asked to ask questions, and is banned from assemblies.
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SCARE TACTICS
LOOK OUT! Fox news says that terrorists may disguise as THE HOMELESS!
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THEY could be anywhere! In a light socket! In your family. Hell, maybe Fox News is infested with terrorists! Be sure to keep an open eye, and tell Big Brother of anything suspicious you find.
ABUSE OF POWER
Because Alaska's representative chairs the Transportation and Infrastructure committee, Alaska is getting 420 million dollars a year for roads, and two 940 million dollar bridges that lead to very low populated areas.
The 420 million dollars is about 12 times per capita what all the other states are getting, and the two bridges are graft.
No one notices.
940 million dollars is a generous living wage for 18,800 people.
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The people who were stripped of their homes in the eminent domain case are now being forced by the courts to pay back rent for the time while their property was in arrears because of the case.
The message? We can take your house, and while you're fighting to get it back (which you won't), we will charge you rent.
FUCKED.
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Bill Frist, a potential Republican presidential candidate in 2008, just got accused of insider trading. Yet another in a series of Republican indictments.
Power fucking corrupts. Especially those who purport to be more "moral".
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New Orleans police unlawfully confiscated the firearms of many of its citizens without declared martial law. The NRA sued the shit out of them and won. GOOD. This kind of shit is EXACTLY what makes us such a paranoid, and gun toting populace.
The police will take my gun from my cold dead hands, dammit. Especially in an emergency. That's what the amendment is for, so that we can have guns when the shit goes down. This kind of shit scares me. I just KNOW that if the shit hits the fan, the cops will take over and make this a fucking military state until this blows over, and when that happens, I may become a casualty. I will not live on my knees.
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