Welcome to the home of the very worst of the meretricious poetasters!
We live in a nation of utter retards. Bill Maher, in his wisdom, suggested a new reality show where each state is eliminated every time they do something dumbass stupid.
I like that idea, so here we go with SURVIVOR: AMERICA! As each state is eliminated, they will go into the FAILURE column with a link to why they are a failure as a state. Let the games begin! No fucking immunity here, bitch.
41 States left!
Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
Connecticut
Delaware
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
Tennessee
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
9 ELIMINATED!
3-6-06
South Dakota gets a second honorable mention for starting the process that eliminated Mississippi. The state, despite a law from the Supreme Court that dictates abortions to be legal, is attempting to become the second to pass a law banning most abortions, to force the issue of trying to overturn Roe v. Wade and throw the country into a political turmoil in the middle of war, and yes, too many unwanted babies.
Goodbye, Mississippi!
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1-6-06
South Dakota has the dubious claim to having fostered a woman who dumped her baby in a landfill. That's a sure way to make your state look like a bunch of idiots. Take a newborn baby, put it in a garbage sack, and then send it out with the rest of the trash.
Goodbye, South Dakota!
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9-3-05
By political and weather means, New Orleans has eliminated itself.
Goodbye, Louisiana!
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8-27-05
Like many other retarded states in the Bible belt, so named for its inability to confront and understand the simplicity of the first amendment and the separation of church and state, South Carolina fails when it comes to protections granted by our government for the heathen atheists, Jews, Buddhists, Zoraostrians, Taoists, Daoists (no, wait...), and any other assorted non white, Christian-central religions. The protections are there because we're mostly Christian, and it would be very easy for the Christians to take over and screw the non-Christians, and it's the reason our republic doesn't crumble. Someone explain this to the douche legislator in this state that somehow thinks that if we teach intelligent design in a science class, it's not biased. And explain further how it will not lead to a requirement that EVERY potential theory be exlored in class, including that my favorite elf fucky shit the earth after eating bad cosmological tacos. Good luck, bitch.
Goodbye, South Carolina!
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8-20-05
Florida was sure to be one of the first to go. They can't seem to get anything right. Old people, elections, they're screwing their own ecosystem and a large portion of their major metropolitan area is about to be flooded forever. So hey, fuck 'em. But as you know, my pet hate is truly censorship, and it would seem that for no real reason a local board is trying to step in and stop an artistic museum exhibit from going up simply because it involves something that makes people uncomfortable...the multitudinous and anonymous dead.
Goodbye, Florida!
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8-15-05
No surprise here, one of the early eliminations is Texas. I thought it might be for executing retards, or just for producing George Bush's presidency, but consider this...at Bush's ranch, right now, people are protesting the war. As they did, a man next door fired off a shotgun to scare them off because he was pissed they were there. Any state that can produce a man like that earns my ire. Half of the blame, however, goes to Fox News, who agitated the situation by not saying that he shot at the protestors to scare them, but rather, euphemistically and with irresponsible journalism, merely stated that he suffered from "protest fatigue".
Goodbye, Lone Star!
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8-14-05
Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Likely sooner, given how much of a cynic I am. The next elimination is my home state of Washington, centering in my hometown of Tacoma. A man, clearly with malicious intent, ripped out an IV and sprayed a number of health workers with HIV infected blood. Home grown, this moron has been allowed to exist in my home state, and for that, it must be eliminated from contention. 13 blocks from my house, no less. Sigh.
Goodbye, Washington!
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8-12-05
It's no surprise to the late Hunter S. Thompson, I'm sure, but the second state to be eliminated in Survivor: America, is COLORADO! That's right. Coloradoans have swarmed into a library and removed comic books that they deemed obscene. Instead of letting people decide what's obscene on their own and just stopping your damned kids from seeing it by proper parenting, let's remove that expression so no one can see it. Fuck you, Colorado. You're eliminated.
Goodbye, Colorado!
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8-11-05
California is our first elimination. A store put up a sign that says, "Vaginas 'R Us", and an angry public swarms to call the shop evil. A censoring society fails!
Goodbye, California!
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