The Dentist is Just As Scary As Your Mom Said She Wasn’t

 

 

            It had been

            Five years

            Since my last cleaning

            And the woman who

            Took my x-rays

            In the free clinic

            Winced when I asked

            Is this how it’s supposed to be?

            Are my lips supposed to glow green?

 

            They sat me down

            And she told me I had calculus

            Which is the fancy medical term for shit on your teeth

            That technical school kids say

            To feel good about their tuition

            And she said

            That my gums were pushed back

            And my nerves were exposed

            More than is typical

 

            I asked her why

            And she said

            It was because I brushed so vigorously

            Yeah, I say

            I don’t want cavities

            I brush like a jackhammer

 

            She proceeds to scrape five years of crap off

            And the chunks fly down my throat

            And I bleed profusely over everything

            Because she misses often

            And is cruel in that amateur way

            Only free doctors can be

 

            Because the nerves are more exposed

            It is so painful

            That tears leak down my face

            And blood drips down my chin

            In rivulets

            She compliments me on my brushing consistency

            But insists I be gentler

            And in the x-rays we find

            That I have two cavities, my first in 21 years

            But they’re not bad enough to drill yet

 

            HAH I point out

            So I brushed okay after all, didn’t I?

            She handed me a towel to wipe away the blood

            And shook her head

            Nah, because now you’re at risk for gum disease

            Because of the jackhammering

 

            She gives me a new toothbrush

            And a little vial of prescription mouthwash

            And she points out how to be gentle to your teeth

            On a pair of gums they ripped from the body of Goliath

            And she sends me on my way

            Without a lollipop

            Earning her A for two and a half solid hours of scraping

            As I lament the fact that I cannot afford this

 

            I called the free doctor when I was deathly ill

            And they said

            Sure, we’ll see you. Come on in

            In three months.

            I’ll be dead in three months, I coughed

            She laughed

            But I really died

 

            And I guess the moral of this story

            Mr. Congressman

            Is would you please, when you’re not golfing

            Reconsider some kind of subsidized health care for the working poor?

 

            No?

            Okay.

 

            2011:

 

            Scrape

            Scrape

            Scrape

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            Scrape...