Fun with Assholes

We’ve been fighting all evening

So I’m not in the mood

The board says 11:30 showing

So we tell them we want an 11:30 ticket

We start walking away to run our desperate errand

And the ticket says 9:50

She walks back up to the head of the line

And taps the young black man at the front

“Excuse me, they just screwed up my ticket

Can I let them reprint it for me?

I just waited all through the line.”

“Sure.” he says

“Just one second.”

He walks forward and starts buying his ticket

Cutting her off from walking up

I walk up and she’s disturbed

She’s not very big on standing up for herself

“This asshole just cut in front of you

After you asked him nicely?”

The guy is typing into a Blackberry, and he

Turns and says, “What did you just call me?”

I say, “You just cut right in front of her

When she asked you politely to let her in.”

“Pssht! You go wait in line.”

I grab her hand and hold up the tickets.

“She just DID wait in line, and I just heard her

Tell you that. Politely. THAT’s why I called you an asshole.”

“Pssht! Call me an asshole again,

I’ll sock you in the head.”

I laugh. “Please. Whatever.”

The guy hands him his tickets.

I note again that assholes are unequivocably those who

Rather than argue their point, threaten to beat you

When you call them assholes.

He starts walking away.

“Sock you in the head, man. Right in the face.”

I turn to him.

“Will I have to wait in line for that, too, or will you just get on with it?

Huh? For Christ’s Sake.”