Now John Wilkes Booth, THERE Was A Success!

Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln,

Blappity blappity blah blah blah

On all these pamphlets,

all these “did ja know?” papers

They say

Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln,

Blappity blappity blah blah blah

They say

He never gave up!

He fought for every inch!

So look at

Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln,

Blappity blappity blah blah blah

He lived a tortured life

He failed in everything he did

8 million times until he won

THE PRESIDENCY!

And WHAT a SUCCESS that WAS!

So look, kids, look at

Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln,

Blappity blappity blah blah blah

See, success, by this,

Is the intrinsic reward for failure

Because

(wink, wink)

You know

That for

Stopping slavery

Saving the Union

And

Being the best

Most talented orator

The world has ever seen

They reward

Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln

By making his brains go

Blappity blappity blah blah blah

ALL OVER HIS WIFE!

I’ll bet

Right now

Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln

(or the seat back that holds his brain remains)

Cares little for what

5th grade teachers so lovingly refer to as

His success.

So

Blappity blappity blah blah blah.