(For Yossarian)
I got up
Went to get a drink
The dog wanted out
I let him out and
Left the door cracked
I lost myself in
Thought about the novel
And I went upstairs
And wrote some of the novel
I came back down because
The dog was quiet
And the dog is never quiet
And the dog was still outside
The door still cracked
Outside the dog wasn’t there
I woke the girl
Drove around
Yelled for the dog
Looked up ten blocks,
Down ten blocks
Left ten blocks
Right ten blocks
Nothing
So we go home and
Call the humane
Society
And I
Call the dog
And I
Call the dog
And
There’s no dog
So I walk around back
On a whim
Calling the dog
And
There’s a dog
With a death ashen pale face of horror
Staring at me
Staring at me
Saying nothing
Barking nothing
It looks stuffed
And my first thought is
How did he die
Sitting up?
I am happy to see him
So I call him
He doesn’t get up
I go over and look at him
See a little blood
Then he stands up
Somehow
Walked around the gate
And I see the bone in his
Back left leg
And the muscles
Hanging like
A piece of chicken skin
And I realize
He’s a goner
I carry him in
And wrench my back
And we go to the vet
And the vet tells us
Money you don’t have
For a three legged dog
And I say
Money I should have
For a three legged dog
And the vet tells us
Money you don’t have
And we agree
And they stick the needle in the vein
And the vein doesn’t take
And they stick the needle in the vein
And the vein doesn’t take
And they stick the needle in the vein
And the vein finally takes
Then they pump him full of
This time a pink liquid
And he stops breathing
But his heart doesn’t stop
“He doesn’t want to die, it would seem”
The doctor says
Which his a very bad thing to say
To people whose dog is being
Put to sleep
Then they pump him full of
This time a pink liquid
And she nods
Like it’s a good thing
And we lift the body onto the cart
Still petting it
And we hug it
And we pay our ninety dollars
And we walk out with a collar
And humanity falls a little farther
And can someone please tell me
Why two dogs have to die
In six months?
And can someone tell me why
Money you don’t have
To people whose dog is being
Put to sleep
And can someone tell me why
When I was looking for him
A man driving a car slowly through neighborhoods
Who I didn’t give a second thought
Because I didn’t know my dog was hit yet
Didn’t stop to tell me
He hit my dog
And apologize?
And can someone tell me why
The best thing in life for me
Creative inspiration
Made me so absent minded
That I let my dog get away
That it is now my fault he is killed?
And can someone tell me why
When I heard the dog get hit
As I remember later
After all is over
A screech bam that I just
Spaced over because I was writing
And because my neighborhoods have a lot of
Screech bams,
I didn’t investigate?
I think the likely reason for
All of this is because
When I was ready to give up and
Go in for the night
Instead I went to the back yard
For no damned reason at all
And found the dog
Trying to die alone
And wouldn’t let it
Because it is my curse
my name
my heart in life
To take in the errant things around me
And save them from dying alone
To create for them something better
And to make for sadness a home
Yossarian, I am sorry.
I am sorry for what I have done.
Nine months and dead
Nine months and dead
He doesn’t want to die, it would seem
Short changed my soul, God.
How can you pay me back
Money you don’t have?