Nuts

The girls got

So incredibly drunk

Something about infidelity

And murder

I was the designated driver

Because I had a place to be

The next morning

They called the police

Then yelled at the police

And then I was fucked

Too late to drive over the mountain

My next day ruined

Cancelled plans

I had gone, to wit

Hos before bros

They all had, I am sure

Blood alcohol levels of

Fifteen to thirty percent

I just ate peanuts

Many, many peanuts

At least three baskets of peanuts

Took them all home

Nobody vomited

All thanking me profusely

Save the one who was pissed

That I was an atheist

But not pissed enough to

Drop a free ride

When we got in at 4 AM

I lapsed into sleep

And woke at 6 AM

To begin vomiting peanuts

Continuously

For three hours

The lesson to be learned here

Is chew your peanuts

When they come back up

Those sharp edges are a bitch.