Mrs. Ridgeway

I once brought a teacher to tears

She deserved it

With the enthusiasm of a blind sheep fool

She taught careers to a class

Full of poor kids

But instead of striking discipline

She gave handouts

Asking us

WHAT DOES A VET DO?

And

WHAT DOES A SOLDIER DO?

And asking us to care.

The title of the class was

MULTI-CULTURAL STUDIES

Which I thought was ridiculous

Because in a school that was

Of multiple ethnicities and colors

It was already a constant subject

And there was no band

The library was underfunded

The gym abysmal

And quite honestly

If race relations are a problem

In an underfunded school

A class will not solve it

But instead

It was a class about jobs

And how to get a job

So after three weeks

I stood up in the middle of the teacher

Explaining that it would be

Handouts again

And said

THIS IS RIDICULOUS

MY PARENTS DON’T PAY TAXES

SO THAT WE CAN DO HANDOUTS

THIS CLASS IS SUPPOSED TO BE

ABOUT MULTI-CULTURAL LEARNING

BUT YOU’RE TELLING US ALL

TO GET SHMOE JOBS

AND NOT TEACHING US HOW

WHICH IS IRONIC

DON’T YOU SEE?

AND I’M SICK OF IT!

I was 10

And a quiet kid

It must have blown her mind

“I’m sorry!” she said

“They didn’t give me a curriculum.

I’m doing my best!”

YOU’RE THE TEACHER

YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE A CURRICULUM

INTELLECTUALLY STIMULATE US!

The crooning delinquents in the back started cheering

And then the rest of the class started applauding

And she started sobbing

And walked to her seat

I felt horrible

But I was right.

They pulled me into a meeting with the principal

Not a week later

This teacher was with him

And they pulled out my assignments

WHAT DOES A POSTMAN DO?

To which I had responded, writing with my left hand

“FEED THE BABIES TO THE MARMOSETS!”

And drawn a depiction of stick men doing so

In crayon

My mother told me it was unacceptable

As did the principal and the teacher

And I promised to be nice

The next week the class flooded from a busted pipe

We had to run for the library

The teacher became an administrator for her

Lack of creativity

And I am now forty thousand dollars in debt

So I guess according to the system

I got what I deserved

But I sure as shit can answer the question

WHAT DOES A POET DO?